Pawnstars: The Game: Semi-Review

I’m sure all of you have heard of Pawnstars. If not, here’s the rundown, 4 overweight Las Vegas individuals run Gold and Silver Pawn Shop. People bring unusual items to this pawn shop, for whatever reason. These items usually have some historical significance, being that it’s shown on the History Channel. This show has become so popular that there’s a game based on it. Not a real game, of course. It’s a Facebook game but for you guys, I surrendered all of my personal information to Facebook to bring you this review.

So let’s get started, when you start up the game, you get a wonderful picture of the Pawnstars crew and… what?

What are you?

That is not Chumlee. This is Chumlee.

Okay, it’s actually pretty accurate. Without further interruption, I give you The Gamer’s Shop:

As you can see, I’ve got a rare Power Rangers Power Morpher(I think) and a baseball all field pass in my inventory. My customers are a cowboy, Janice Joplin, a rabbi, and a Hell’s Angel.  The only one I’ve ever seen on the show is the cowboy. I’m pretty sure Janice Joplin is dead, also. My shopkeep is Barack Obama. We get a lot of pull for being funny on the internet. Let’s get to my first customer.

The cowboy wants to sell me a Winchester Rifle. I assume he has it from his own time period. He wants $1487 for it. I could call in an expert to analyze it to make sure it’s real but that would cost me money, which is something I’ve NEVER seen Rick pay for, so Barack Obama is definitely not paying for such a service. So I’m just going on a gut feeling and offering the cowboy $600. He said, “Fuck you.” and left. I could give him a piece of candy to entice him to stay(another mechanic I’ve never seen on the show.) but I only have one piece and I’m pretty sure he has no teeth to chew the hard exterior with. A lawsuit is the last thing my shop needs. I mean, we can only afford one piece of candy.

And we move on to Ms. Joplin. I must say, a celebrity visiting the shop is extremely flattering. Especially one of such zombified caliber as Janice. She said it was cool if I called her that, or as best she could considering she only speaks in grunts. She set a 1932-S Washington quarter on the counter and grunted that she wanted $600. I’m no expert, nor am I paying for one, but I feel like paying $600 for 25 cents is silly. I offered her $300 and she grunted a bit fiercer, so I could infer that she was not happy about my offer. I tried to offer her $300 again but again, she was not happy and she left. The candy still unused.

I have a good feeling about the rabbi. He wants to sell me portraits of Napoleon and Josephine. Now, I’ve seen the episode that features this particular item. If memory serves, the portraits are semi-real. They aren’t of Napoleon and Josephine but the artist representing himself as the two. They are of the period, just not the subjects. The rabbi wants $158 for the pair. Which seems fair, all things considered. But I’m going to offer him $90, just to be a dick.  He doesn’t seem happy. I actually want these, even in real life, because Napoleon reminds me of Resident Evil 4. Any players of that game know exactly who I’m talking about. The candy has been given to the Rabbi. He is now at a status of “Very Happy.” I offer $90. He still says no. I go up to a $100. He says no and leaves. The candy does nothing. Nothing at all.

Last up, the biker has a 1999-2000 St. Louis Rams Super Bowl Trophy.  He wants $4378 for it. I bought it because it seemed like a fair price compared to the hospital bill of a Super Bowl Trophy bludgeoning.

Overall: 5/10

I know it’s a free Facebook game but it could’ve been so much better. Some of the items do stick to the source material but it’s just so boring, honestly. You’ll just mindlessly click the slider to select a random number and offer it. If they don’t take it, don’t worry, someone will be back with the exact same item, because there is no variety in this game. I saw Rams Trophy at least 5 times. All from 1999-2000. Unless every member of the Rams is visiting my shop in rapid succession, this game is just repeating. Unless you’re a huge fan of Pawnstars or you really have a lot of time to throw away, I say pass on this one. Facebook has plenty of other games to offer.

Writer's Note: We've been slack on writing actual reviews, due to being broke and all that that fun shit. You'll get real reviews soon, when we can have actual games to play. Until then, Facebook and maybe some SNES titles will be coming your way!

Lack of Updates

Ole dude and I have been really slack about updating here lately, we're going to change that though! We've gotten around to finishing up some games and we'll definitely get some reviews up here in the coming days.

Duke Nukem Forever Review

This is a big one. Arguably(but not really) the most anticipated game of the last decade, and the stuff of legend in the gaming community. Every time this game was delayed, I lost a little faith in mankind. Others, like Slash000, who is an Olympic gold medalist in waiting, never gave up hope. Gearbox and 2K have revived this monstrous title, but does it live up to its name? Here's what I think of Duke Nukem Forever.


Graphics: 6/10
The main complaint everyone has is about the graphics. Let me say, they are not up to par with other shooters, like, Gears of War, Halo: Reach, Killzone, etc. The thing is, the way this game is being treated, you'd think it had Playstation 1 graphics. The graphics are not bad in any way. They're simply alright. Nothing substantial. You won't be seeing expressions of sadness or anger on many faces when they're talking to you. You will, however, see many pig body parts flying at you. Lots and lots of boobs too. And who doesn't love that?

Story: 7/10
"Aliens are invading. They've taken our babes. Duke Nukem has to kill them and save the world. The president is a dick." That is the entire story in a nutshell. No outstanding narrative or anything like that. But I'm giving it a high score for its simplicity. This is exactly what I expected out of this game. I didn't want to listen to massive amounts of dialogue and watch cut scenes. I wanted to mindlessly shoot alien pigs and hear Duke shout one liners.

And speaking of one liners, they are fantastic. There are so many references in this game, it's hard to count. All the way from Pulp Fiction to those G.I. Joe PSA dub videos. It's like my undersexed 15 year old self and my-undersexed-self now got together in a room and wrote Duke's script. Any game with the phrase, "When I'm done with you, I'm gonna piss in your eye." gets my approval.

Gameplay: 8/10
IN THIS GAME YOU REALLY DO PISS IN SOMETHING'S EYE! Sorry, I had to get that out there. The gameplay in Duke Nukem Forever is, simply put, fun. That's the best way to describe it. You are the baddest of all asses and you have big guns and you shoot aliens. In between that, Duke interacts with a lot of the environment. From pinball machines and air hockey to picking a piece of poop out of a toilet. Most of it granting you health bonuses. So fling that poo! Some puzzles are thrown in every now and then too. Nothing hard though. It's always pretty obvious what you have to do. Though, the loading screen does let you know that you can "cheat" by checking FAQs online.

Chapters are pretty varied as well. I mean, throughout the entire game you're shooting things 90% of the time, but location wise. One chapter that really sticks out to me, is when Duke gets shrank in his restaurant. You spend the entire level in a Toy Story style tiny adventure and it's just loads of fun. Once in you're in the kitchen, you have to save this lady(who I named Moira, because she sounds like Moira from Fallout 3. And she's batshit nuts like her too.), and traversing the room is like being on another planet. I've never heard of anyone drowning in a deep fryer, but Duke Nukem let me experience it. And it's not a good way to go.

Balls of Steel: 9/10
To say that Duke Nukem Forever deserved a special edition is an understatement. 12 years of development and all I get is a disc? Get out of here. But luckily, Gearbox rarely disappoints and Balls of Steel Edition comes with a lot of stuff. A hardcover artbook, a comic book, a deck of cards, a bust of the man himself, Duke. I won't name it all but trust me, it's awesome. Obviously, with the $100 price tag, it's for the fans that have been waiting for this game for as long as I have, and I recommend it to those of you.

Overall: 7/10
Duke Nukem Forever is not the end all, be all game. Just because something has taken 10+ years to come out, doesn't mean it's going to be a masterpiece. Don't believe me? Check out Guns N' Roses' sonic disaster Chinese Democracy. What I can say is that you'll have a blast with this game. Take the game for what it is, and not what it isn't and you'll be fine. If you haven't waited on this game for the entirety of its development, I say wait until the price drops down to $40. Other than that, if you're a Duke fan, this is the game for you. It's exactly what you expect it to be. Running and gunning and blowing everything the fuck up.

Microsoft 360 Game Cases

This may be an odd thing to review, but I felt like it needed to be done. These things are abysmal. I can't even believe that they are in production. Seriously, most times when someone keeps their game out of the case, people are like "What? That's gonna get your game fucked up, bro!" But here lately, it seems like if you're a 360 owner, the best place to keep your games are anywhere that ISN'T the original case. These things are supposed to keep your discs safe,  scratch-free and looking good. But no, for some reason, Microsoft wanted to take a big ole dump on the consumers heads and give us these shitty pieces of ass. I first noticed a problem when I got Halo: Reach. After a couple weeks or so, having played the game a bit, the inner ring of the disc started to crack. I saw a crack, and got mad, because I take care of my games. They stay in the cases and I like to keep them looking nice. But for some reason, this disc was cracked. I messed around with the game a bit and realized that the disc holder in the case was putting a lot of unnecessary tension when I was taking it in and out. I decided whatever, and just traded it in. A few months later, I get Marvel vs Capcom 3 on release day, that copy was broken because of other reasons, so I got a new copy. But now, this new case is starting to do the same thing. Sometimes when I put the game in it comes up with a Play DVD error. I've only ever let one person borrow the game, and I know he takes good care of games also. But lo and behold, the inner ring of this disc is cracking and fucking up entirely. I just bought a copy of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It was 10 bucks and Gamestop was having a balla ass sale, so I decided why not. Well I looked at the disc, and it's got those same little cracks on the inner ring of the disc. I pulled the disc out of the case to check the disc out even more, but as I was doing it cracked even more, a tiny chunk of the clear inner ring of the disc just peeled off. I don't know why this keeps happening, I don't know why Microsoft has shitty cases. They're supposed to be environmentally friendly or whatever, but man fuck that. I don't throw away video game cases, I don't really know too many people that do. I just want a nice sturdy case that won't fuck up my disc. I've had four games so far with the cracked inner rings because of the stupid microsoft cases. It's a nuisance, and it's costing consumers more money than they need to spend.


MICROSOFT GAME CASES: -5/10
eat a dick microsoft

WWE All Stars Brawlpad Review

It's no secret that we here at The Gamer's Spot, love fighting games. But little known fact, we're also predominantly 360 gamers. These two things do not go hand in hand. Anyone that's ever held a 360 controller has said the same thing, "What the fuck is up with this d-pad?" And it's not brand loyalty keeping us from the glorious PS3 d-pad and controller. It's being too broke to buy a PS3. (Click our ads, and we magically get money! Also, you'll be much more attractive to the opposite sex.) So, I've been on a hunt for a replacement since getting back into fighting games. Here's what I think of the WWE All Stars Brawlpad. And since different games are usually accompanied by different mechanics, I'll be doing it game by game.

Mortal Kombat: 8/10

Now, this is the one that matters most to me, as you can see by my review, I love this game with all my soul. If I wasn't 80% sure it was illegal, I'd marry it. A game like MK relies mostly on special movies. Trying to pull off special moves with regular 360 d-pad is like pulling teeth. And not being a licensed dentist. That is to say, really difficult. I want to do a move that requires me to press back, but my character wants to do 3 backflips instead. It's frustrating.

With the Brawlpad though, I haven't run into that problem, once. The d-pad is a major improvement from the standard 360 "affront to God" d-pad(seriously, I can't stress how terrible it is.). Peppering up combos with special moves flows as you expect it should. It also makes dashing a breeze. Something that's required to close the gap between you and your opponent quickly, and a good combo lengthener. Juggling being a big part of the game and all. Highly recommend this controller to any MK players out there.


Marvel vs Capcom 2: 7/10

I have a very specific problem when it comes to the Marvel vs Capcom games. If a special move requires me to sweep left, I simply can't do it. This may be user error, but I haven't had this problem since picking the Brawlpad up. The bumper buttons are face buttons, and to me, that makes assists a lot easier. It feels like I can get to the buttons faster, thus, assists come faster.

To make it even better, I jump when I want to jump now. My characters don't wildly start hopping around, like they just bought Moon Boots. The analog stick drift on the 360 is atrocious and it's nice to not deal with that anymore. I can actually pull off combos now too. Usually I just did one or two hits, let my meter build, and then unleash a hyper combo. But now I find myself knocking people up and stringing together a few things. It's a wonderful feeling.



Now, these next two games, I don't own. I went to a friend's house and tried them out with the Brawlpad. I got a little bit of time with both. Enough to make an impression.

Marvel vs Capcom 3: 5/10

From what I could tell, this controller was alright for MvC3. Nothing supremely special. The d-pad stepped my game up a little bit. Like with it's predecessor, it was easier to pull of hyper combos, regardless of direction. My problem came with the face buttons. Nothing is wrong with them, physically, the placement just feels wrong to me for this game. If you didn't know, in MvC3, the buttons are laid out like this, X Y and B are light, medium and hard attacks, with A being a dedicated launch/special button. So, the main attack buttons kind of arc over the launch button. A good set up, if you ask me.

Like I said, though, I don't own this game. I didn't have time to play around with settings and different layouts, but I'm going to assume there's a better one. Had it been like MvC2, with the 4 button, light/hard kick light/hard punch, set up, it may have been much better. But since it's a three button system, if you're looking for ONLY an MvC3 controller, keep looking because I don't think this would be for you.


Tekken: 4/10
I'd like to start out this portion of the review by saying, fuck Tekken. I've always sucked at Tekken, and this did not help at all. It wasn't that it was bad or anything, it just didn't really change anything. What more can I say? It's not bad, it's not good.

Overall: 7/10
As a fairly inexpensive controller, and about $10 cheaper than the Street Fighter 4 fightpad, while still being the exact same thing, I recommend to any fighting gamer on a budget. Or anyone wanting a huge step up from the 360 d-pad. Also, if you're like me, and you don't like fight sticks. I know it's blasphemy to say, but I can't stand them and I know there are probably other people out there that feel the same way. This is a great alternative. And yeah, I realize I didn't even include the game the Brawlpad was made for(All Stars), but I've never even played it outside the demo. Given the name though, I'm sure it would work fine with it.

- Travis (I STEVE HOLT I)

Addendum! -Moog

Marvel vs Capcom 3: 3/10
To say I've played a lot of MvC3 is a bit of an understatement. I love this game so so much, as evident by my review earlier. I played it constantly for about three months after it came out. And I still play arcade alot. So I've got a lot of experience in engine and such of it. And I have to say, a Brawlpad is not meant to be used for MvC3. The d-pad is nice, the arcade style button layout is awesome, but it's just not a fit for MvC3. It's easier to pull off certain combos, and the d-pad is better than the 360 controller, but I'd rather have it than a brawlpad. It's a great controller, but not for MvC3. Certain motions are easier to pull off, but to crank out and X-Factor you have to press all four face buttons at once. and that's just now a simple task. It may have just been the controller layout I was using. The top three buttons are Light, Medium, Hard, and the bottom three are Special, Assist 1, Assist 2. I just couldn't get it down. So chalk this up to my own folley, but I didn't like it. I'd rather have a controller.


 

Pokemon: Wild Type

So I really don't know anything about this game. My girlfriend linked it to me and I downloaded. Everything is in Japanese (I think) so I can't really tell anything about it other than the options "SINGLE" or "VERSUS" and "NORMAL" and "HARD" difficulty. But so far.. wow. It's a fighting game, with Pokemon. Not Smash Bros or anything like that. An actual fighting game. I'm shocked.

Graphics: 9/10
 As far as I can tell, this is an amateur project. But it doesn't show in the least. The detail in the animations and character models are stunning. The moves, the sprites, the backgrounds, the menu options, the assist characters, the supers. Everything is so amazing. You can tell a LOT of work went into making this game. It looks beautiful, it's insanely colorful as a pokemon game should be. The artwork seriously looks like an official pokemon game. It's awesome.

Story: x/x
This seems to be a trend with the games I review. But it's not my fault this time. I can't even read anything in this game. But who cares? Pokemon are beating the shit out of each other fighting game style.

Music: 6/10
Standard pokemon fare, if you've played pokemon you've heard all this music before.

Gameplay: 9/10
It's seriously almost perfect. It flows so well, I can't even tell which engine it's based on, if any. There's six buttons, Light and Hard punches and kicks, then Protect and Assist. I haven't quite figured out what all Protect does, but Assist obviously brings in assist characters. What assist characters are available seems dependent upon which pokemon you pick, and which round. I'm not sure. It's different every time usually. Or you could not have an assist character and receive an instant boost to your super meter.

It's all really well done. The engine is great, the CPUs need more fine tuning. Their AI seems to just spam one move over and over and over and over. The characters aren't all that balanced either. Lucario easily bodies any of the characters on the roster so far. There's only six to choose from by the way, but given that it's a work in progress it's forgivable.
The available characters are, Lucario, Blaziken, Combusken, Gardevoir, Gengar and Snorlax. A strange assortment at best. My only gripe at the moment is that both Blaziken and Combusken are in the game. They're from the same evolution line so it seems somewhat pointless to me. But they play well, so it's whatever.

Overall: 8/10
So far there's no huge issues with this game, and it's a work in progress so more features are sure to come. I can only hope for an expanded roster and AI fixes. The game is free, so download away.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SF86GINI

I Wanna Be The Guy pt. 1

Let me just start off by saying, FUCK this game. It's so magnificently hard. It's tough to a degree that I've never seen in a game before. Why do apples fall up? 

At any rate, I'm going to be reviewing this as I play it. So it may deteriorate into mindless rambling. Bear with me. I've tried to beat the first level a few times now, and I just keep dying. and Keep dying. and keep dying.

I've been staring at this screen for about 20 minutes now.

 The game starts you off on this screen. Your first instinct is to just head down the gap and continue on. Guess what you're greeted with when you do?

I think I've seen this screen a good twenty some times now, roughly. It's maddening. But I want to play through this just to say that I did. An accomplishment that not many have achieved. Harder than almost any achievement or trophy that exists. Let's continue on.

I do have the mention, the graphics are really well done. Nice old school textures that are soft on the eyes. The death effects are really nice. Every time you die you just kinda explode into a particle filled mess. It's beautiful.

I have a gun for some reason. I'm mostly sure there are bosses and enemies in this game, I've just personally never seen them.

I finally make it past the first screen, and what happens? I die.

Look at this room. Just look at it for a moment. After the first screen this is what you drop down into. A room filled with spikes. The walls are coated in spikes, the floor is coated in spikes, the spikes are coated in spikes. What the hell is this? As far as I can tell it's just a death trap. I've yet to figure out what to do in this room, so for now I just have to keep falling to my death until I figure it out.

Okay! okay! When I fall there's a little spike that's jiggling, if I shoot it, then it falls down into a platform. But the next part is fucking.. ugh. Little blocks appear for a moment, making more platforms for me to jump on. But they disappear and I never know when they're going to disappear or where the next one is going to be.

Four blocks in and I die. The furthest I've gotten is four blocks. Go me.

On a side note.

Fuck that guy. Fuck this stupid little asshole for wanting to embark on such a ridiculous quest. Imagine for a moment if IWBTG were real life. If one day, you woke up, and decided, "Man, I wanna be the guy." You'd go out, head off on your adventure. And fucking die. That's it. Your first few steps out into this strange journey and you just fucking die. What a shit life.

But at least the music is pretty bad ass. Check out this bumpin' track.

Fuck yeah. At least my ears feel good while my fingers and mind devolve into madness.

This is a bit of a nostalgia trip, to back when games were mind numbingly difficult. You have to be pixel fucking perfect in IWBTG, or else you're going to hear the game over music. Time, and time again. 

If you get frustrated easily, then this game is NOT for you. If you hate difficult games, this game is NOT for you. If you enjoy an extremely challenging game, that will make you question your sanity, then this game is absolutely for you. I'm giving up on this for now. I'll pick it back up later if I can.