Saturday, August 27, 2011

Pawnstars: The Game: Semi-Review

I’m sure all of you have heard of Pawnstars. If not, here’s the rundown, 4 overweight Las Vegas individuals run Gold and Silver Pawn Shop. People bring unusual items to this pawn shop, for whatever reason. These items usually have some historical significance, being that it’s shown on the History Channel. This show has become so popular that there’s a game based on it. Not a real game, of course. It’s a Facebook game but for you guys, I surrendered all of my personal information to Facebook to bring you this review.

So let’s get started, when you start up the game, you get a wonderful picture of the Pawnstars crew and… what?

What are you?

That is not Chumlee. This is Chumlee.

Okay, it’s actually pretty accurate. Without further interruption, I give you The Gamer’s Shop:

As you can see, I’ve got a rare Power Rangers Power Morpher(I think) and a baseball all field pass in my inventory. My customers are a cowboy, Janice Joplin, a rabbi, and a Hell’s Angel.  The only one I’ve ever seen on the show is the cowboy. I’m pretty sure Janice Joplin is dead, also. My shopkeep is Barack Obama. We get a lot of pull for being funny on the internet. Let’s get to my first customer.

The cowboy wants to sell me a Winchester Rifle. I assume he has it from his own time period. He wants $1487 for it. I could call in an expert to analyze it to make sure it’s real but that would cost me money, which is something I’ve NEVER seen Rick pay for, so Barack Obama is definitely not paying for such a service. So I’m just going on a gut feeling and offering the cowboy $600. He said, “Fuck you.” and left. I could give him a piece of candy to entice him to stay(another mechanic I’ve never seen on the show.) but I only have one piece and I’m pretty sure he has no teeth to chew the hard exterior with. A lawsuit is the last thing my shop needs. I mean, we can only afford one piece of candy.

And we move on to Ms. Joplin. I must say, a celebrity visiting the shop is extremely flattering. Especially one of such zombified caliber as Janice. She said it was cool if I called her that, or as best she could considering she only speaks in grunts. She set a 1932-S Washington quarter on the counter and grunted that she wanted $600. I’m no expert, nor am I paying for one, but I feel like paying $600 for 25 cents is silly. I offered her $300 and she grunted a bit fiercer, so I could infer that she was not happy about my offer. I tried to offer her $300 again but again, she was not happy and she left. The candy still unused.

I have a good feeling about the rabbi. He wants to sell me portraits of Napoleon and Josephine. Now, I’ve seen the episode that features this particular item. If memory serves, the portraits are semi-real. They aren’t of Napoleon and Josephine but the artist representing himself as the two. They are of the period, just not the subjects. The rabbi wants $158 for the pair. Which seems fair, all things considered. But I’m going to offer him $90, just to be a dick.  He doesn’t seem happy. I actually want these, even in real life, because Napoleon reminds me of Resident Evil 4. Any players of that game know exactly who I’m talking about. The candy has been given to the Rabbi. He is now at a status of “Very Happy.” I offer $90. He still says no. I go up to a $100. He says no and leaves. The candy does nothing. Nothing at all.

Last up, the biker has a 1999-2000 St. Louis Rams Super Bowl Trophy.  He wants $4378 for it. I bought it because it seemed like a fair price compared to the hospital bill of a Super Bowl Trophy bludgeoning.

Overall: 5/10

I know it’s a free Facebook game but it could’ve been so much better. Some of the items do stick to the source material but it’s just so boring, honestly. You’ll just mindlessly click the slider to select a random number and offer it. If they don’t take it, don’t worry, someone will be back with the exact same item, because there is no variety in this game. I saw Rams Trophy at least 5 times. All from 1999-2000. Unless every member of the Rams is visiting my shop in rapid succession, this game is just repeating. Unless you’re a huge fan of Pawnstars or you really have a lot of time to throw away, I say pass on this one. Facebook has plenty of other games to offer.

Writer's Note: We've been slack on writing actual reviews, due to being broke and all that that fun shit. You'll get real reviews soon, when we can have actual games to play. Until then, Facebook and maybe some SNES titles will be coming your way!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Lack of Updates

Ole dude and I have been really slack about updating here lately, we're going to change that though! We've gotten around to finishing up some games and we'll definitely get some reviews up here in the coming days.