Saturday, November 12, 2011

Reviews of Games I Haven't Played Yet #1 (Halo 4)

You can find out a lot about a game by its trailer. And I like to review games, but since games cost money and I'm a broke 20 year old, I don't get to do it often. So I had a great idea, why not review a game based solely on the trailer? A bit petty, maybe, but it's the best I can do at present time. Let's start with one of the most anticipated games of next year(I think)... Halo 4!


The trailer begins with what looks to be some celestial insanity. Showing that, as most games in the Halo series and technically most everything does, this game will take place in space. Halo 4 probably has the same environments you're used to from the previous titles. But then the supernova starts moving. Like a spiderweb of gasses. I'm not familiar with most of the universe and I'm sure you're not either but I don't think many things in the galaxy do that.

I hear a woman's voice screaming, "Chief!" so I can assume two things, Cortana(The AI in Master Chief's helmet) and Master Chief himself are making a return. I can safely assume that because I've also seen the rest of the trailer. But I have to keep up appearances.

Now the supernova is pulsating. That's probably not good for any planets or otherwordly bodies in the vicinity. And a spaceship is flying through the supernova's ventricles. Such brave astronauts, really. It looks hot in there.

As it's quickly revealed, yes, the entire cosmic event was taking place inside Master Chief. Probably not entirely healthy but the man has been through so much that this is probably like a common cold for him. But this is where the trailer gets good. If you didn't know, at the end of Halo 3, John 117 aka Master Chief was put in hibernation until needed again. Obviously he's needed, because things start exploding around him. He's probably used to that but no one really wants to wake up that way.

Some things I noticed in the first few seconds is that Chief now has a jetpack similar to those in Halo: Reach. I don't know where he found it, seeing as he's been in hibernation since the end of Halo 3 and those weren't used in that game at all. And there's a pistol he grabs from no where that shoots, what looks like, energy blasts similar to grenades. If you've used the quick revive perk in Call of Duty: Black Ops zombie mode, it looks similar to that. Only with a space marine instead of a Russian screaming obscenities.

And we've reached the end of the trailer, with Chief and Cortana zooming towards and giant alien spaceship rectum. What I've gotten from the trailer is, there may be new(see: old) things added, a new environment(I'm thinking it'll probably take place solely on the spaceship) and new enemies(Seeing as how the Covenant were taken care of in Halo 3) but it's going to be the same Halo you always remembered. If you loved Halo and you're a huge Halo fan, you're going to love Halo 4. If you're like me and you played them casually and really only put time into Halo 3 like everyone in the world did for Halo 3, you're going to leave Halo 4 with a reasounding, "Meh."

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Retro Review: Yu-Gi-Oh! Forbidden Memories (PS1)

Let me start this off by asking; Why the fuck did this game come in the typical two disc case? I always wondered that as a kid. Like maybe every copy I had of this game just happened to be missing the second disc. I was just left to wonder what kind of crazy adventures were to be had on that second non-existant disc.
At any rate, this was the first Yu-Gi-Oh! game I had actually played. It came out around the time the card game was actually being made. So I had no clue what to expect, was it the action packed duels found in the show? Was is the 6 hour 2000 Life Point battles? Nah, this game flipped the script on you.

Graphics: 4/10
The majority of this game is represented through walls of text and still images of the person you're talking to. Much like the older RPGs from back in the day. 

This is about as advanced as the non-duel graphics get. It's not awful or anything, but after about the 9857th pressing of the X button to advance text, it gets stale. I've never been so tired of seeing Joey (or Jono's) face as I have these last couple days playing this. The duel graphics are another thing.

This is the basic duel layout, we all know how to duel so I won't explain that. The cards don't look like the actual real life cards, but I'm okay with that. Everything you need is clearly represented right in front of you. When you attack another monster, you can press Square instead of X, and it'll go into this neat little animation. Your Blue-Eyes White Dragonfucka will battle that tiny little Kuriboh. All in lovely 3-D. This blew my mind when I was a kid.

For a 1999 PS1 game, the 3d graphics aren't that bad. Especially compared to some of the other games. (Spyhon Filter gets an honorable mention here). The battle animations usually end up being about the same, so you'll get tired of it before too long.

Story: 6/10
It somewhat follows the basic Yu-Gi-Oh! storyline, there's a few discrepancies here and there, but not enough to say that it has it's own story completely. All characters from the anime are there. Pegasus, Kaiba, Rex Raptor, so on and so forth. You start the game off in Ancient Egypt, you're some prince dude and you're really important I think. You duel with a few of the locals then some powerful wizard guys come in and wreck shit. They whoop up on your village so bad that you travel forward in time a few millenium. But, if you've seen the show you know how it goes. Millenium Items, Pegasus is a douche, Kaiba is a badass, Yugi is a fuck. Same basics.

Gameplay: 7/10
Like I said earlier, this game came out right about when the card game was being developed. So playing this is quite a bit different than the actual game you have today. The basic principles still apply. Monsters with higher attack kick ass, and monsters with little attack don't. Magic cards, trap cards, it's all here. But you can really tell they haven't figured out how they wanted the card game to work yet. For starters, you can only play one card per turn. That becomes a real nuisance if you need a rad Magic/Monster combination to help you out. It'll take you two turns instead of one. Every turn, you draw until you have five cards, this became easily exploitable against most opponents. Shitty monsters? Purposely use a few cards out of your hand for a failed fusion. You can have you best monster on the field and have a better chance of drawing the ones you want. I haven't tried this with Exodia, but I'm sure it would be killer for that as well.

There's no real sense of adventure or anything in this game,. All you do is read text, pick a location to go to, read text, duel, rinse, repeat. It's not hard to beat this game.

Music: 3/10
Alright enough music, but it repeats way too much for anyone to even care after awhile.

Overall:   5/10
The gameplay is the star player in this game. It's kind of like the '98 Bulls roster. They had MJ but who are them other dudes fucking around on the field?


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Pawnstars: The Game: Semi-Review

I’m sure all of you have heard of Pawnstars. If not, here’s the rundown, 4 overweight Las Vegas individuals run Gold and Silver Pawn Shop. People bring unusual items to this pawn shop, for whatever reason. These items usually have some historical significance, being that it’s shown on the History Channel. This show has become so popular that there’s a game based on it. Not a real game, of course. It’s a Facebook game but for you guys, I surrendered all of my personal information to Facebook to bring you this review.

So let’s get started, when you start up the game, you get a wonderful picture of the Pawnstars crew and… what?

What are you?

That is not Chumlee. This is Chumlee.

Okay, it’s actually pretty accurate. Without further interruption, I give you The Gamer’s Shop:

As you can see, I’ve got a rare Power Rangers Power Morpher(I think) and a baseball all field pass in my inventory. My customers are a cowboy, Janice Joplin, a rabbi, and a Hell’s Angel.  The only one I’ve ever seen on the show is the cowboy. I’m pretty sure Janice Joplin is dead, also. My shopkeep is Barack Obama. We get a lot of pull for being funny on the internet. Let’s get to my first customer.

The cowboy wants to sell me a Winchester Rifle. I assume he has it from his own time period. He wants $1487 for it. I could call in an expert to analyze it to make sure it’s real but that would cost me money, which is something I’ve NEVER seen Rick pay for, so Barack Obama is definitely not paying for such a service. So I’m just going on a gut feeling and offering the cowboy $600. He said, “Fuck you.” and left. I could give him a piece of candy to entice him to stay(another mechanic I’ve never seen on the show.) but I only have one piece and I’m pretty sure he has no teeth to chew the hard exterior with. A lawsuit is the last thing my shop needs. I mean, we can only afford one piece of candy.

And we move on to Ms. Joplin. I must say, a celebrity visiting the shop is extremely flattering. Especially one of such zombified caliber as Janice. She said it was cool if I called her that, or as best she could considering she only speaks in grunts. She set a 1932-S Washington quarter on the counter and grunted that she wanted $600. I’m no expert, nor am I paying for one, but I feel like paying $600 for 25 cents is silly. I offered her $300 and she grunted a bit fiercer, so I could infer that she was not happy about my offer. I tried to offer her $300 again but again, she was not happy and she left. The candy still unused.

I have a good feeling about the rabbi. He wants to sell me portraits of Napoleon and Josephine. Now, I’ve seen the episode that features this particular item. If memory serves, the portraits are semi-real. They aren’t of Napoleon and Josephine but the artist representing himself as the two. They are of the period, just not the subjects. The rabbi wants $158 for the pair. Which seems fair, all things considered. But I’m going to offer him $90, just to be a dick.  He doesn’t seem happy. I actually want these, even in real life, because Napoleon reminds me of Resident Evil 4. Any players of that game know exactly who I’m talking about. The candy has been given to the Rabbi. He is now at a status of “Very Happy.” I offer $90. He still says no. I go up to a $100. He says no and leaves. The candy does nothing. Nothing at all.

Last up, the biker has a 1999-2000 St. Louis Rams Super Bowl Trophy.  He wants $4378 for it. I bought it because it seemed like a fair price compared to the hospital bill of a Super Bowl Trophy bludgeoning.

Overall: 5/10

I know it’s a free Facebook game but it could’ve been so much better. Some of the items do stick to the source material but it’s just so boring, honestly. You’ll just mindlessly click the slider to select a random number and offer it. If they don’t take it, don’t worry, someone will be back with the exact same item, because there is no variety in this game. I saw Rams Trophy at least 5 times. All from 1999-2000. Unless every member of the Rams is visiting my shop in rapid succession, this game is just repeating. Unless you’re a huge fan of Pawnstars or you really have a lot of time to throw away, I say pass on this one. Facebook has plenty of other games to offer.

Writer's Note: We've been slack on writing actual reviews, due to being broke and all that that fun shit. You'll get real reviews soon, when we can have actual games to play. Until then, Facebook and maybe some SNES titles will be coming your way!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Lack of Updates

Ole dude and I have been really slack about updating here lately, we're going to change that though! We've gotten around to finishing up some games and we'll definitely get some reviews up here in the coming days.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Duke Nukem Forever Review

This is a big one. Arguably(but not really) the most anticipated game of the last decade, and the stuff of legend in the gaming community. Every time this game was delayed, I lost a little faith in mankind. Others, like Slash000, who is an Olympic gold medalist in waiting, never gave up hope. Gearbox and 2K have revived this monstrous title, but does it live up to its name? Here's what I think of Duke Nukem Forever.

Graphics: 6/10
The main complaint everyone has is about the graphics. Let me say, they are not up to par with other shooters, like, Gears of War, Halo: Reach, Killzone, etc. The thing is, the way this game is being treated, you'd think it had Playstation 1 graphics. The graphics are not bad in any way. They're simply alright. Nothing substantial. You won't be seeing expressions of sadness or anger on many faces when they're talking to you. You will, however, see many pig body parts flying at you. Lots and lots of boobs too. And who doesn't love that?

Story: 7/10
"Aliens are invading. They've taken our babes. Duke Nukem has to kill them and save the world. The president is a dick." That is the entire story in a nutshell. No outstanding narrative or anything like that. But I'm giving it a high score for its simplicity. This is exactly what I expected out of this game. I didn't want to listen to massive amounts of dialogue and watch cut scenes. I wanted to mindlessly shoot alien pigs and hear Duke shout one liners.

And speaking of one liners, they are fantastic. There are so many references in this game, it's hard to count. All the way from Pulp Fiction to those G.I. Joe PSA dub videos. It's like my undersexed 15 year old self and my-undersexed-self now got together in a room and wrote Duke's script. Any game with the phrase, "When I'm done with you, I'm gonna piss in your eye." gets my approval.

Gameplay: 8/10
IN THIS GAME YOU REALLY DO PISS IN SOMETHING'S EYE! Sorry, I had to get that out there. The gameplay in Duke Nukem Forever is, simply put, fun. That's the best way to describe it. You are the baddest of all asses and you have big guns and you shoot aliens. In between that, Duke interacts with a lot of the environment. From pinball machines and air hockey to picking a piece of poop out of a toilet. Most of it granting you health bonuses. So fling that poo! Some puzzles are thrown in every now and then too. Nothing hard though. It's always pretty obvious what you have to do. Though, the loading screen does let you know that you can "cheat" by checking FAQs online.

Chapters are pretty varied as well. I mean, throughout the entire game you're shooting things 90% of the time, but location wise. One chapter that really sticks out to me, is when Duke gets shrank in his restaurant. You spend the entire level in a Toy Story style tiny adventure and it's just loads of fun. Once in you're in the kitchen, you have to save this lady(who I named Moira, because she sounds like Moira from Fallout 3. And she's batshit nuts like her too.), and traversing the room is like being on another planet. I've never heard of anyone drowning in a deep fryer, but Duke Nukem let me experience it. And it's not a good way to go.

Balls of Steel: 9/10
To say that Duke Nukem Forever deserved a special edition is an understatement. 12 years of development and all I get is a disc? Get out of here. But luckily, Gearbox rarely disappoints and Balls of Steel Edition comes with a lot of stuff. A hardcover artbook, a comic book, a deck of cards, a bust of the man himself, Duke. I won't name it all but trust me, it's awesome. Obviously, with the $100 price tag, it's for the fans that have been waiting for this game for as long as I have, and I recommend it to those of you.

Overall: 7/10
Duke Nukem Forever is not the end all, be all game. Just because something has taken 10+ years to come out, doesn't mean it's going to be a masterpiece. Don't believe me? Check out Guns N' Roses' sonic disaster Chinese Democracy. What I can say is that you'll have a blast with this game. Take the game for what it is, and not what it isn't and you'll be fine. If you haven't waited on this game for the entirety of its development, I say wait until the price drops down to $40. Other than that, if you're a Duke fan, this is the game for you. It's exactly what you expect it to be. Running and gunning and blowing everything the fuck up.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Microsoft 360 Game Cases

This may be an odd thing to review, but I felt like it needed to be done. These things are abysmal. I can't even believe that they are in production. Seriously, most times when someone keeps their game out of the case, people are like "What? That's gonna get your game fucked up, bro!" But here lately, it seems like if you're a 360 owner, the best place to keep your games are anywhere that ISN'T the original case. These things are supposed to keep your discs safe,  scratch-free and looking good. But no, for some reason, Microsoft wanted to take a big ole dump on the consumers heads and give us these shitty pieces of ass. I first noticed a problem when I got Halo: Reach. After a couple weeks or so, having played the game a bit, the inner ring of the disc started to crack. I saw a crack, and got mad, because I take care of my games. They stay in the cases and I like to keep them looking nice. But for some reason, this disc was cracked. I messed around with the game a bit and realized that the disc holder in the case was putting a lot of unnecessary tension when I was taking it in and out. I decided whatever, and just traded it in. A few months later, I get Marvel vs Capcom 3 on release day, that copy was broken because of other reasons, so I got a new copy. But now, this new case is starting to do the same thing. Sometimes when I put the game in it comes up with a Play DVD error. I've only ever let one person borrow the game, and I know he takes good care of games also. But lo and behold, the inner ring of this disc is cracking and fucking up entirely. I just bought a copy of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It was 10 bucks and Gamestop was having a balla ass sale, so I decided why not. Well I looked at the disc, and it's got those same little cracks on the inner ring of the disc. I pulled the disc out of the case to check the disc out even more, but as I was doing it cracked even more, a tiny chunk of the clear inner ring of the disc just peeled off. I don't know why this keeps happening, I don't know why Microsoft has shitty cases. They're supposed to be environmentally friendly or whatever, but man fuck that. I don't throw away video game cases, I don't really know too many people that do. I just want a nice sturdy case that won't fuck up my disc. I've had four games so far with the cracked inner rings because of the stupid microsoft cases. It's a nuisance, and it's costing consumers more money than they need to spend.

eat a dick microsoft

Friday, June 17, 2011

WWE All Stars Brawlpad Review

It's no secret that we here at The Gamer's Spot, love fighting games. But little known fact, we're also predominantly 360 gamers. These two things do not go hand in hand. Anyone that's ever held a 360 controller has said the same thing, "What the fuck is up with this d-pad?" And it's not brand loyalty keeping us from the glorious PS3 d-pad and controller. It's being too broke to buy a PS3. (Click our ads, and we magically get money! Also, you'll be much more attractive to the opposite sex.) So, I've been on a hunt for a replacement since getting back into fighting games. Here's what I think of the WWE All Stars Brawlpad. And since different games are usually accompanied by different mechanics, I'll be doing it game by game.

Mortal Kombat: 8/10

Now, this is the one that matters most to me, as you can see by my review, I love this game with all my soul. If I wasn't 80% sure it was illegal, I'd marry it. A game like MK relies mostly on special movies. Trying to pull off special moves with regular 360 d-pad is like pulling teeth. And not being a licensed dentist. That is to say, really difficult. I want to do a move that requires me to press back, but my character wants to do 3 backflips instead. It's frustrating.

With the Brawlpad though, I haven't run into that problem, once. The d-pad is a major improvement from the standard 360 "affront to God" d-pad(seriously, I can't stress how terrible it is.). Peppering up combos with special moves flows as you expect it should. It also makes dashing a breeze. Something that's required to close the gap between you and your opponent quickly, and a good combo lengthener. Juggling being a big part of the game and all. Highly recommend this controller to any MK players out there.

Marvel vs Capcom 2: 7/10

I have a very specific problem when it comes to the Marvel vs Capcom games. If a special move requires me to sweep left, I simply can't do it. This may be user error, but I haven't had this problem since picking the Brawlpad up. The bumper buttons are face buttons, and to me, that makes assists a lot easier. It feels like I can get to the buttons faster, thus, assists come faster.

To make it even better, I jump when I want to jump now. My characters don't wildly start hopping around, like they just bought Moon Boots. The analog stick drift on the 360 is atrocious and it's nice to not deal with that anymore. I can actually pull off combos now too. Usually I just did one or two hits, let my meter build, and then unleash a hyper combo. But now I find myself knocking people up and stringing together a few things. It's a wonderful feeling.

Now, these next two games, I don't own. I went to a friend's house and tried them out with the Brawlpad. I got a little bit of time with both. Enough to make an impression.

Marvel vs Capcom 3: 5/10

From what I could tell, this controller was alright for MvC3. Nothing supremely special. The d-pad stepped my game up a little bit. Like with it's predecessor, it was easier to pull of hyper combos, regardless of direction. My problem came with the face buttons. Nothing is wrong with them, physically, the placement just feels wrong to me for this game. If you didn't know, in MvC3, the buttons are laid out like this, X Y and B are light, medium and hard attacks, with A being a dedicated launch/special button. So, the main attack buttons kind of arc over the launch button. A good set up, if you ask me.

Like I said, though, I don't own this game. I didn't have time to play around with settings and different layouts, but I'm going to assume there's a better one. Had it been like MvC2, with the 4 button, light/hard kick light/hard punch, set up, it may have been much better. But since it's a three button system, if you're looking for ONLY an MvC3 controller, keep looking because I don't think this would be for you.

Tekken: 4/10
I'd like to start out this portion of the review by saying, fuck Tekken. I've always sucked at Tekken, and this did not help at all. It wasn't that it was bad or anything, it just didn't really change anything. What more can I say? It's not bad, it's not good.

Overall: 7/10
As a fairly inexpensive controller, and about $10 cheaper than the Street Fighter 4 fightpad, while still being the exact same thing, I recommend to any fighting gamer on a budget. Or anyone wanting a huge step up from the 360 d-pad. Also, if you're like me, and you don't like fight sticks. I know it's blasphemy to say, but I can't stand them and I know there are probably other people out there that feel the same way. This is a great alternative. And yeah, I realize I didn't even include the game the Brawlpad was made for(All Stars), but I've never even played it outside the demo. Given the name though, I'm sure it would work fine with it.

- Travis (I STEVE HOLT I)

Addendum! -Moog

Marvel vs Capcom 3: 3/10
To say I've played a lot of MvC3 is a bit of an understatement. I love this game so so much, as evident by my review earlier. I played it constantly for about three months after it came out. And I still play arcade alot. So I've got a lot of experience in engine and such of it. And I have to say, a Brawlpad is not meant to be used for MvC3. The d-pad is nice, the arcade style button layout is awesome, but it's just not a fit for MvC3. It's easier to pull off certain combos, and the d-pad is better than the 360 controller, but I'd rather have it than a brawlpad. It's a great controller, but not for MvC3. Certain motions are easier to pull off, but to crank out and X-Factor you have to press all four face buttons at once. and that's just now a simple task. It may have just been the controller layout I was using. The top three buttons are Light, Medium, Hard, and the bottom three are Special, Assist 1, Assist 2. I just couldn't get it down. So chalk this up to my own folley, but I didn't like it. I'd rather have a controller.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Pokemon: Wild Type

So I really don't know anything about this game. My girlfriend linked it to me and I downloaded. Everything is in Japanese (I think) so I can't really tell anything about it other than the options "SINGLE" or "VERSUS" and "NORMAL" and "HARD" difficulty. But so far.. wow. It's a fighting game, with Pokemon. Not Smash Bros or anything like that. An actual fighting game. I'm shocked.

Graphics: 9/10
 As far as I can tell, this is an amateur project. But it doesn't show in the least. The detail in the animations and character models are stunning. The moves, the sprites, the backgrounds, the menu options, the assist characters, the supers. Everything is so amazing. You can tell a LOT of work went into making this game. It looks beautiful, it's insanely colorful as a pokemon game should be. The artwork seriously looks like an official pokemon game. It's awesome.

Story: x/x
This seems to be a trend with the games I review. But it's not my fault this time. I can't even read anything in this game. But who cares? Pokemon are beating the shit out of each other fighting game style.

Music: 6/10
Standard pokemon fare, if you've played pokemon you've heard all this music before.

Gameplay: 9/10
It's seriously almost perfect. It flows so well, I can't even tell which engine it's based on, if any. There's six buttons, Light and Hard punches and kicks, then Protect and Assist. I haven't quite figured out what all Protect does, but Assist obviously brings in assist characters. What assist characters are available seems dependent upon which pokemon you pick, and which round. I'm not sure. It's different every time usually. Or you could not have an assist character and receive an instant boost to your super meter.

It's all really well done. The engine is great, the CPUs need more fine tuning. Their AI seems to just spam one move over and over and over and over. The characters aren't all that balanced either. Lucario easily bodies any of the characters on the roster so far. There's only six to choose from by the way, but given that it's a work in progress it's forgivable.
The available characters are, Lucario, Blaziken, Combusken, Gardevoir, Gengar and Snorlax. A strange assortment at best. My only gripe at the moment is that both Blaziken and Combusken are in the game. They're from the same evolution line so it seems somewhat pointless to me. But they play well, so it's whatever.

Overall: 8/10
So far there's no huge issues with this game, and it's a work in progress so more features are sure to come. I can only hope for an expanded roster and AI fixes. The game is free, so download away.

I Wanna Be The Guy pt. 1

Let me just start off by saying, FUCK this game. It's so magnificently hard. It's tough to a degree that I've never seen in a game before. Why do apples fall up? 

At any rate, I'm going to be reviewing this as I play it. So it may deteriorate into mindless rambling. Bear with me. I've tried to beat the first level a few times now, and I just keep dying. and Keep dying. and keep dying.

I've been staring at this screen for about 20 minutes now.

 The game starts you off on this screen. Your first instinct is to just head down the gap and continue on. Guess what you're greeted with when you do?

I think I've seen this screen a good twenty some times now, roughly. It's maddening. But I want to play through this just to say that I did. An accomplishment that not many have achieved. Harder than almost any achievement or trophy that exists. Let's continue on.

I do have the mention, the graphics are really well done. Nice old school textures that are soft on the eyes. The death effects are really nice. Every time you die you just kinda explode into a particle filled mess. It's beautiful.

I have a gun for some reason. I'm mostly sure there are bosses and enemies in this game, I've just personally never seen them.

I finally make it past the first screen, and what happens? I die.

Look at this room. Just look at it for a moment. After the first screen this is what you drop down into. A room filled with spikes. The walls are coated in spikes, the floor is coated in spikes, the spikes are coated in spikes. What the hell is this? As far as I can tell it's just a death trap. I've yet to figure out what to do in this room, so for now I just have to keep falling to my death until I figure it out.

Okay! okay! When I fall there's a little spike that's jiggling, if I shoot it, then it falls down into a platform. But the next part is fucking.. ugh. Little blocks appear for a moment, making more platforms for me to jump on. But they disappear and I never know when they're going to disappear or where the next one is going to be.

Four blocks in and I die. The furthest I've gotten is four blocks. Go me.

On a side note.

Fuck that guy. Fuck this stupid little asshole for wanting to embark on such a ridiculous quest. Imagine for a moment if IWBTG were real life. If one day, you woke up, and decided, "Man, I wanna be the guy." You'd go out, head off on your adventure. And fucking die. That's it. Your first few steps out into this strange journey and you just fucking die. What a shit life.

But at least the music is pretty bad ass. Check out this bumpin' track.

Fuck yeah. At least my ears feel good while my fingers and mind devolve into madness.

This is a bit of a nostalgia trip, to back when games were mind numbingly difficult. You have to be pixel fucking perfect in IWBTG, or else you're going to hear the game over music. Time, and time again. 

If you get frustrated easily, then this game is NOT for you. If you hate difficult games, this game is NOT for you. If you enjoy an extremely challenging game, that will make you question your sanity, then this game is absolutely for you. I'm giving up on this for now. I'll pick it back up later if I can.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Exploring Human Behavior Through Multiplayer Gaming

Multiplayer aspects have been a huge part of gaming since the dawn of the industry. Pong was ONLY multiplayer. But, in recent years, it has become a driving force in every game. Online multiplayer can make or break a game's sales. I'm not here to talk about that though. I'm here to discuss who we become in certain gaming situations. Let's begin.

Situation 1: Open World Games (Red Dead Redemption)

"Hey, let's climb on top of that house and punch each other until one of us falls off and dies. Whoever stays on is the winner." Now, unless you're a very competitive MMA fighter with a shingle fetish, you've never suggested this idea in every day life. But, this is what me and my friends did for two very manly hours in Red Dead Redemption free roam. With no guidelines or boundaries like the police or death stopping us, we could basically do what we wanted. And we used this amazing gift to beat each other senseless. What does that say about us? Are we harboring resentment? Probably not.

We're definitely not the worst though. We don't blatantly murder other players. A rooftop cowboy fight club is mostly what we do. The question still lingers though. Why do we do this? We don't see each other in the real world and think, "you know what would look good on his face? My fist." Probably because this would lead to complications like pain and confusion. Also, I have a huge fear of heights so there's no way I'd fight someone on a roof. So what I've learned from this is, take away death and people do nothing but try to kill each other.

Situation 2: Fighting Games (Marvel vs Capcom, Street Figher, Mortal Kombat, etc.)
If you ever want a glimpse into the true nature of someone you know, and wanna judge them based on that for the rest of your life because you can't unsee it, play a fighting game the way they DON'T play a fighting game. You'll hear the kind of whining only suited for a toddler. That's the kind of thing that comes out in this situation and I'm not sure why. Both players want to win and both want to do whatever they can to do so but whether that's knowing magnificent combos or using projectiles to keep your opponent away, if they're not doing that, then you shouldn't be either.

Some call it poor sportsmanship, because that's what it is. And others call it the game being broken, because that's what it is. It depends on the game, the person, and a plethora of other factors. But you can rest assured knowing one thing, whatever you're doing is the absolute worst way to play no matter what. People naturally don't want to fail, and they also naturally don't want to be the cause of their own failure. The best course of action is to blame the other person. Trash talking also helps, winning or losing.

"CHA CHA DESMOND" - I don't know what it means either.

Situation 3: First Person Shooters (Halo, Call of Duty, etc.)
Couldn't bring up multiplayer gaming without talking about these. As far as online communities go, if it were a town, this is the ghetto. This takes the unsportsmanship conduct from fighting games to an entirely new level. Racial slurs, hack threats, accusations of the promiscuity of your mother. And that's just the children. Again, people just can't handle losing. But here is where it gets ridiculous. When people get stabbed in the real world over getting stabbed in a game. Pretty gruesome stuff. Also, how big is the human brain? Because that knife looks comically large. Nevermind. Anyway, imagine that. Someone was so upset at losing in a game that they risked murder and jail time. I'm assuming that that's what happens in China, in regards to stabbings.

Think of what kind of mindset you have to have to stab somebody. There are plenty of, I won't say good, but understandable reasons to stab someone. Self defensive, because "fuck that guy.", or you happen to run into Michael Moore. Counter Strike, or any other online game ever, is not a good reason to attempt murder. Under no circumstances is that acceptable. And you'll forever be known as "that guy that stabbed that one dude over Counter Strike." That's a lifelong commitment.

An Open Letter to Activision

Dear Activision,

With the recent announcement of Modern Warfare 3 and the subsequent leak of every detail of the game, I have one important question to ask you. What the fuck are you doing? I would like you to think back to your older franchises. Tony Hawk's Pro Skating Underground Extravaganza and Guitar Hero: Warriors of Mediocre Track Lists. What do these two have in common? Saturation. You flood the market with these titles. I appreciate you trying to give everyone the hot game of the week but a Call of Duty title doesn't need to come out yearly. With a game like Madden or any other sports title, at least it makes some sense. New rosters do happen yearly and you can cash in if you release the game during football season. But with Call of Duty, there's no reason for it to happen. There's no war season. No "get called the n word by a 21 year old suburban white dude" season. Nothing to cash in on that's related to your title. By bringing your games out so quick and so often, you're killing interest in it, rather than keeping it alive. Imagine you're on a whale watching trip, you see the whale the first time, and you're like, "WHOOA A WHALE HOLY SHIT!" But take that same trip often enough and it becomes, "Meh, there's that fucking whale again..." Call of Duty is becoming that whale, in the same way Tony Hawk and Guitar Hero has in past years. We're not surprised to see it, and surprise is a key factor of excitement. And excitement leads to purchases. Bringing the games out so often seems to reduce quality, as well. Call of Duty 4 was and still is, an amazing game. Props for that one. But Modern Warfare 2 and Black Ops both resulted in a resounding, "eh" from myself and most other people. Imagine if all resources from World At War and Black Ops went to MW2 and MW3. More time in between games, more production quality, more reason to go out and get the new Call of Duty, because you wouldn't be playing the Call of Duty you just bought 6 months ago. These are just suggestions. Another suggestion I have is an HD remake of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2(if that's even possible with PS1 games, I dunno.), but really, that's just for me and it'd probably only get 1 purchase but it'd be a happy one, I promise. And isn't that all that matters?

Sincerely Yours, A Long Time Fan Of The First Few Games In Your Series.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Why Lord Zedd Is The Worst Conqueror Of All Time (And How I'd Do It Better)

We all know him. And if you were ever a child(I'm assuming most of you were), you feared him. He's Lord Zedd. Self proclaimed evil emperor and enemy of Earth. And all around shitty at the job. Like that one employee at McDonald's, no matter how many times you say "No cheese.", he hears, "I want a cheeseburger. I mean, with an absurd amount of cheese. If you have a brick back there, please use it to smash the cheese into the patty." Lord Zedd sees "Take over the world." as "Let 5-6 stupid teenagers ruin your day with terrible jokes." in the same way.

Reason #1 No Giant Self Destruct Buttons On Henchmen

This is the first major misstep in the world domination scheme. That's seriously all it takes to take down one of Big Z's(I hope he doesn't mind me calling him that.) goons. A kid could do that. Any kid. Which begs the question, why did they morph? They killed one prior to morphing, for fuck's sake. And I know, Tommy gets his powers taken away. Spoiler: He gets them back through some wacky set of events because Lord Zedd can't do anything.

I want you to imagine the worst fight you've ever been in. There were fists/feet flying. The enraged look on your opponent's face. The fact that he probably fucked your girlfriend, which is why you're even in this predicament. What a slut.

Now I want you to re-imagine the fight, but only this time, the person you're fighting has a giant circle in the middle of their chest, and if you hit that circle, they're going to stop. No matter what. They can swing all they want, but if you hit this one specific location, that just happens to take up about 80% of their chest, you win. End of story. This is what Lord Zedd sends to deal with the only thing stopping him from getting what he wants.

Reason #2: Making Things That Suck, Bigger, Doesn't Make Them Better

Here's the situation.The Power Rangers have laid waste to to yet another monster sent to kill them. So, instead of take their lumps, and considering their faults to maybe better themselves in the future, Zedd and Co. do what any one of us would do. They make that motherfucker giant and way more noticeable.

This may seem like a good plan the first time. Might catch them off guard. They certainly wouldn't be expecting it. But after they bring out their giant robot and double murder your monster, I think it's time to give up on that strategy. Especially after the 40th time.

What I would do is, instead of making it big, make it smaller. Microscopic. And give it wings, a way to travel easily. You've got that guy that works with Play-Doh, Zedd, you can do this. Invade their body and kill them from the inside. Anything is better than this giant B-Movie monster-a-thon you've got going. But you're far too busy for thinking outside the box. Probably out air guitaring, thinking everything is gonna just happen for you.


Reason #3: Your Main Enemy Is An Old Man That Can't Leave A Tube

I don't know if any of you reading this have ever fought an old man. But it's a pretty easy task. Especially if they have no legs, arms, or anything from the neck down, really. In the Mighy Morphin' Power Rangers movie, Zordon's tube gets broken and he's revealed to be just an old ass man spliced with a potato sack. Seriously.

There are few things Lord Zedd and I have in common, but here's a main one, we both have a torso and limbs. This is a rare time where I can say that Zedd and I both have the same ability of murdering Zordon. Zedd, moreso, because he has that big Z staff, that's just perfect for old man pummeling. Not only is this something I'd do if I was Zedd, but it's also something I could do, right now. I just need a rock and something to kill an old guy with. A pillow, the rock previously used to break Zordon's tube, an interracial couple to show him. Any of these every day items. But Z-Dawg can't get this done, while being ten feet tall and musclebound. Not to mention, his super powers. But hey, it's just an old man. It's not like he's dealing with a bunch of stupid kids.

Reason#4: You're Dealing With A Bunch Of Stupid Kids

Go to any karate class right now. Not really right now, finish reading this first. But later, if you've got the time, no pressure. And I'll bet, you won't find a bunch of 17-19 year olds sparring with 10 year olds. This means their fighting style in largely based on fighting someone far smaller than them. Pauly Z is at least 10 feet tall. Being an alien does have advantages. This means they're unprepared to deal with someone of his stature.

I'd like to reiterate, they're. Fucking. Kids. They have other things to do outside of being the Power Rangers. Destroy their social lives. Disguise yourself as a date for them to go to prom with. Then when they least expect it, bam, take their morpher and run and never look back. Or, go tell everyone their secret. How much stress do you think a teenage can take before cracking? If my days on MySpace were any indication, not much. The teenage mind is fragile and adding on the stress of the press knowing you're a goddamn superhero is probably up there on the breaking point.

So once you get down to it, the Power Rangers are insanely easy to destroy and Earth is easy to conquer. But trying the same strategy over and over again isn't the way to go about it.

Friday, May 6, 2011

How to Release The Kino Characters

How to release the Kino Der Toten characters from the new Call Of Duty: Black Ops Call Of The Dead zombies map.

1) Find the fuse, it's near the PhD Flopper on a desk or in the locker.  Get it and go back to the door and insert it on the wall on the right.
2) Nikolai should accidentally activate the MDT system and the Kino peeps should have light now. Destroy the four generators, they have four glowing red orbs on them. Use explosives.
3) Nikolai should now ask for vodka. Outside near the PhD Flopper, or on the half of the ship near the spawn, there is a bottle of "vodka" attached to a railing with ice. One of you has to knife it while the other picks it up. Like the film reels in Kino. Deliver to Vodka to them using the eartube, the thing on the left of the door.
4) Richtofen should ask you to find a "long, stiff, golden rod". The Golden Rod is behind a wall in the cave at the spawn near the beginning. Shoot the wall that looks like a pile of rubble with the upgraded Ray Gun or V-R11.

After all this the crew teleports to Paradise, and you unlock the "Ensemble Cast" achievement, or "Stand-In" if it's single player.

Sometime there's a glitch where the vodka won't show up.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Why White People Love Waka Flocka Flame

If you're not familiar with Waka Flocka, he's famous for being a rapper and, for all intents and purposes, "one hood ass nigga." See: But in the time I've known of Waka's existence, I can't help but notice a staggering number of white people enjoy him. Like, a lot. This may seem normal to anyone else. Soulja Boy had a very white folk following. This doesn't seem to be the same though. Soulja Boy's "rap" was accompanied by a dance and a catchy hook. White people got to the do the dance around their friends and laugh about how ridiculous they looked. That shit was never funny, by the way. And knowing the dance didn't make you as endearing as you like to think, teenage girl. No, Waka seems to have grabbed the white community for some other reason and I believe I have it figured out. Being of the caucasian persuasion(Waka, if you're reading this, these are rhymes. Please take notes.), I do enjoy Waka's music and listen to it quite a bit. His rhymes seem to be a mix of simplicity and ignorance that any worldly 4th grader could come up with.

"Waka Flocka Flame, one hood ass nigga. Riding real slow, bending corners, my nigga."

See what I mean? Nigga rhymes with nigga in Waka's world. This makes the song easy for white people to follow along with. Entry level rap, if you will. Easier to keep up with than the fast rhymes of say, Tech N9ne or Busta Rhymes. Busta was featured on a Linkin Park song but white people haven't cared about Linkin Park since 2002. Sorry, but that's the way it goes. We are a fickle bunch. The second reason, perhaps the biggest, why we love Waka so much is he gives the illusion of being gangsta without actually being gangsta. Watch the video to see what I mean. He's in the middle of the set from the end of Training Day with a huge group of black people. He's shaking a fence in a way that says, "Hey, man, don't fuck with me." And most of all, an abundance of people wearing red. Signifying gang activity is happening... somewhere. Not really around Waka but somewhere probably, a few miles over that way.

Have you ever heard someone say "all rap is about hoes, money, drugs and hoes again"? Waka is THAT rapper. He is the embodiment of the negative rap stereotypes. And we can't get enough of it. Because at their core, every white person wants to be "hood." Malibu's Most Wanted may as well have been a documentary. But they don't want to leave their lush lifestyles of the rich and famous to do so. So rappers like Waka let us live our fantasies of doing hood shit. Now, I'm not saying there are no white people in the ghetto, the hood, or whatever but I guarantee the white people(or anyone really) in the hood don't listen to Waka Flocka Flame. At that point, you don't need the illusion. You may as well graduate to Jay-Z. Because Hov sold drugs, so you wouldn't have to.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Mortal Kombat (Xbox 360 and Kratos Edition) Guest review awwww snap.

As a lifelong Mortal Kombat fan, I may have some bias towards this review. But fear not, I can put away my fanboyish tendencies for 10 minutes. After many misfires, Netherrealm studios gives us a much needed return to form. Many fans, myself included, feel this was a necessary step in the franchise's life. In this resurgence of the fighting game genre, MK adds a boost to the lifeline.

Graphics: 8/10
Mortal Kombat boasts a 2D plane with 3D graphics. Every character is highly detailed. To the point of showing physical damage on the character models after a hard fought battle. No longer must we live in the days of palette swapped ninjas. The inclusion of X-Ray moves shows the detail I'm talking about. Organs, intestines, rib cages. If you've taken any anatomy class, all your old friends are going to be here whenever you hit your triggers.

Fatalities are back, after DC saved the world from them, and they are just as brutal as they ever were. If not, moreso. Skin is stretched to the breaking point. Unidentifiable organs hang from torsos. Fun for the whole family, really.

I do have a very specific complaint though. It seems to me that the graphics for the cut scenes in story mode are actually worse than the gameplay graphics. Which is weird to me, because every other game seems to have it the other way around. On the plus side, you know when you're about to fight in story mode, because the graphics are suddenly good. So you get a forewarning.

Story: 7/10
I don't really know what to say about the story. It feels like you're playing an over the top kung fu movie. For me, I loved that aspect. But if you're looking for a game with massive amounts of narrative, you're looking in the wrong place, I'm afraid. It does, however, explain a lot of character's backstories. Noob Saibot, Cyrax/Sektor, and Kabal come to mind. I'm trying to keep this spoiler free so I won't dive any further into it.

Music: 5/10
Nothing has really stood out to me, musically. MK comes with a catalog so you can order a CD of the soundtrack. I seen this before playing the game, so maybe I had high hopes. But as far as a review of it goes, I wouldn't buy the soundtrack. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Gameplay: 9/10
Now this is where MK really shines. Every element that made the first games so popular is here. And built upon. I had expected the nostalgia to wear off and leave me dissatisfied. Like pouring a fresh soda but the fizz wears off and you're left with much less of a beverage. But no, MK leaves your thirst quenched and your taste buds wanting more. To sum it up in a sentence, you've got a lot of shit to do. Story mode, classic ladder style, challenge tower, and of course, online fighting.

The return to the 2D plane adds what many MK fans have been wanting since MK4. An easy to maneuver field and easier projectile hits. The move list has many combos to learn, but the majority of what you use is most likely going to be made up on your own. If you had a favorite character from back in the day, there is a 95% chance they'll be here in all their former glory.

There's no sugar coating here, this game is straight up fighting. That's what you'll be doing. And if you're like me, you'll love doing it.

Etc(Exclusives Included): 6/10

The Krypt offers a graveyard full of creepily found extras. Concept art, alternate costumes, extra fatalities. Everything your heart desires. You'll have to earn it though. Koins earned through fighting, completing challenges and the story will get you everything. Proving again, nothing in life is free. Not even in a game you paid for. 360 exclusive is a king of the hill mode. I personally haven't played it but from what I understand, it's a lobby. I think that's a pretty terrible exclusive.

Kratos: 10/10
He's a beast and I hate every PS3 owner.

Overall: 9/10 Nearly
Flawless Victory
Every hope and expectation I had for this game was met. The nostalgia I felt when I first put this game in and ran through the ladder as Scorpion made me feel 9 years old again. As an incredibly easy to pick up game, I highly recommend it to anyone who has the slightest interest in the MK franchise, the fighting game genre, or the letter K.

-Crazy T-Rav

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Marvel vs. Capcom 3 - Fate Of Two Worlds (XBox 360)

Marvel vs. Capcom 3. I really have a thing for sequels that took 10+ years to come out, huh? Fans have long awaited the sequel to what many consider one of the best fighting games of all time. Marvel vs. Capcom 2 was a hit, even 10 years later in this resurgence of fighting games. Arcades are a dying commodity, but the fighting game genre lives on. And man, am I glad for that. I grew up on the classics. Street Fighter I & II, Art Of Fighting, even the Double Dragon fighting game.

Graphics 9/10
I really like what they've done with the character models this time around. The sleek, glossy look every character model shares is a nice touch. For once, all the characters look like they belong in the same game. No more 1994 Morrigan Sprite.

The stages on this game are freakin' insane. The developers really put a lot, and I mean A LOT, of attention into detail. From the Daily Bugle's parade, to the Bifrost, the rainbow bridge in the background of Asgard. So much fan service went into this game it's great.

The moves, hyper moves, combos, etcetc all flow together so perfectly. The light shows of a heated battle never ceases to amaze me. A lot of time went into making this game and it shows.

Gameplay 8/10
I'll admit, when Capcom announced the control scheme was going to lean more towards Tatsunoko vs Capcom, I was a bit frustrated. Every Marvel vs. Capcom game since the first has "dumbed down" the control scheme a little more. There was the typical 6-button layout in Marvel vs. Capcom 1. Then they dropped it down to a 4-button scheme, and now 3-button [exluding the S button]. While each control scheme works for each game, I kinda wished it would've remained the same. I would've been completely alright with either the 4-button or 6-button button layouts. I prefer the 6. This game is still pretty tight on the controls front, though. Instead of having to figure out which button and direction is a characters launcher, everyone has the same button for it. S. I miss the old layouts, sure. But this one works just as well.

The computer seems to be completely random in what it wants to do. Trying to breeze through Arcade mode on Very Easy will sometimes surprise you with a 96-hit combo out of nowhere. Other than that, I have no complaints.

Story x/x
I hate to do it again but I really know nothing about the story. It's just their for filler, really. Galactus wants to eat planets, the Big Bads want to be bad. You get it.

Music 9/10
Most all of the music is flawless. The remixes of characters older music is great. The new themes fit the characters extremely well. I swear Dante's theme is directly out of one of the DMC games. They're great. I just downloaded the entire soundtrack for this game the other day, and I can NOT stop listening.

Extras 7/10
I really wish the endings would have been more than photo stills with text overlays. I feel they could've done so much better given the ending quality of SSFIV. Anime cutscenes with voice acting, you know. Instead we're treated to a simple picture and a few words. Even still, they're great. Each characters ending has tons of shout outs and crossovers. There's all kinds of titles, and icons to unlock. Call of Image galleries, music galleries, character bios. Enough to keep someone busy for hours.

Overall 8.25/10

After 11 long years, hundreds of misheard rumors, and hundreds of dollars in quarters spent in arcades, Capcom has really given their fans something to rejoice over. This game is solid. A must have for any fighting game fan.