Thursday, June 16, 2011

I Wanna Be The Guy pt. 1

Let me just start off by saying, FUCK this game. It's so magnificently hard. It's tough to a degree that I've never seen in a game before. Why do apples fall up? 

At any rate, I'm going to be reviewing this as I play it. So it may deteriorate into mindless rambling. Bear with me. I've tried to beat the first level a few times now, and I just keep dying. and Keep dying. and keep dying.

I've been staring at this screen for about 20 minutes now.

 The game starts you off on this screen. Your first instinct is to just head down the gap and continue on. Guess what you're greeted with when you do?

I think I've seen this screen a good twenty some times now, roughly. It's maddening. But I want to play through this just to say that I did. An accomplishment that not many have achieved. Harder than almost any achievement or trophy that exists. Let's continue on.

I do have the mention, the graphics are really well done. Nice old school textures that are soft on the eyes. The death effects are really nice. Every time you die you just kinda explode into a particle filled mess. It's beautiful.

I have a gun for some reason. I'm mostly sure there are bosses and enemies in this game, I've just personally never seen them.

I finally make it past the first screen, and what happens? I die.

Look at this room. Just look at it for a moment. After the first screen this is what you drop down into. A room filled with spikes. The walls are coated in spikes, the floor is coated in spikes, the spikes are coated in spikes. What the hell is this? As far as I can tell it's just a death trap. I've yet to figure out what to do in this room, so for now I just have to keep falling to my death until I figure it out.

Okay! okay! When I fall there's a little spike that's jiggling, if I shoot it, then it falls down into a platform. But the next part is fucking.. ugh. Little blocks appear for a moment, making more platforms for me to jump on. But they disappear and I never know when they're going to disappear or where the next one is going to be.

Four blocks in and I die. The furthest I've gotten is four blocks. Go me.

On a side note.

Fuck that guy. Fuck this stupid little asshole for wanting to embark on such a ridiculous quest. Imagine for a moment if IWBTG were real life. If one day, you woke up, and decided, "Man, I wanna be the guy." You'd go out, head off on your adventure. And fucking die. That's it. Your first few steps out into this strange journey and you just fucking die. What a shit life.

But at least the music is pretty bad ass. Check out this bumpin' track.

Fuck yeah. At least my ears feel good while my fingers and mind devolve into madness.

This is a bit of a nostalgia trip, to back when games were mind numbingly difficult. You have to be pixel fucking perfect in IWBTG, or else you're going to hear the game over music. Time, and time again. 

If you get frustrated easily, then this game is NOT for you. If you hate difficult games, this game is NOT for you. If you enjoy an extremely challenging game, that will make you question your sanity, then this game is absolutely for you. I'm giving up on this for now. I'll pick it back up later if I can.

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